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Light Bulb Jokes

By: Steve Goldman, CCIM
Image courtesy of thewire.com

Image courtesy of thewire.com

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but only if the lightbulb wants to change.

How many psychoanalysts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How long have you been having this fantasy?

How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but he has to wait until the light is better.

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

How many Zen Masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and one not to change it.

How many surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. You don’t need it out today, but if it continues to give you trouble in the future, you should consider removing it.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but it takes him three visits.

How many reference librarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don’t know, I’ll have to check on that and get back to you.

How many real estate agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ten, but we’ll accept eight.

How many car salesmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It should be three but I’ll do it with two if you’ll sign here now, but I’ll have to run that by my sales manager.

How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but it really gets screwed.

How many real men does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Real men aren’t afraid of the dark.

How many lonely guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he wishes it was two.

How many football players does it take to change a lightbulb?
The entire team! And they all get a semester’s credit for it.

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fifteen. One to hold the bulb and the rest to drink whiskey until the room spins.

How many tech support guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
We have received your request concerning your hardware problem and have assigned your request Service Order Number 38643,  Please reference this number for any future correspondence to this issue.  As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.

How many accountants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What kind of answer did you have in mind?

How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. One to screw in the new bulb and four to talk about how much they’ll miss the old one.

How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb?
What’s a lightbulb?

How many charismatic Pentecostals does it take to change a lightbulb?
Hard to tell.  All their hands are in the air already.

How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He prays for the old bulb to come back on.

How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to ladder the hold, the other to bulb in the screw.

How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under her.

How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, dude.

How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twelve to investigate Obama’s involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the lightbulb industry and 51 to pass a tax credit for lightbulb changes.

How many democrats  does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb, six to talk about how wonderful it’s going to be when the new bulb is screwed in, and ten to argue for increased funding for solar lighting research.

Steve Goldman, CCIM

Steve Goldman, CCIM is the Founder/Principal Broker of Goldman Partners Realty. He specializes in net leased and multifamily complexes 30 units and up. vCard

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